Why a 15 year old left Shiaism

[Bolani Muslim]

Hey guys, it's been a while, thought I'd update.

So I've told y'all about my mom before, a head at the local Husseiniya since its inception ~7 years ago, read countless books by Tijani and others, watches and supports nearly all Shia TV channels, told me 'questioning deen will bring me to hell', yelling at me, made up fake stories about 'people meeting Wahabis', made fun of Sunni ulema, etc a long time ago. Well Alhamdulillah she's changed alot!.

The most shocking thing was when we were talking about deen and she told me 2 days ago "How can I curse Abu Bakr and Omar when they're better then me and have done good work for Islam, while I have done nothing." She openly says that mutah is haraam and "Sunnis are correct on this issue" and now encourages me to go to the Sunni masjid after seeing that the people there are better influences on me then in the Shia center (she wants me to be a teacher there to kids). She caught me at the airport folding my hands in salaat and told me a few days later at home "I know you cross them when you pray in school as well" without getting mad. I always thought she was a hopeless case, but she's changed so much in 2 years that I can't believe it! She doesn't even allow my dad to curse anymore. Before if I said anything or she asked me something and I answered 'wrong', she'd yell and lecture about Ghadeer or something, but now she openly says (along with me) that "Certain (Shia) doctrines are wrong and don't make sense." She used to get mad at me if I read 'Sunnat Muakkata' prayers, because it's a 'Sunni thing', but now leaves me alone. She used to say that 'Aliun Waliullah' in the azan defines us, but now doesn't say it!

My dad is a different case, he proudly believes in tahrif, hates Sahaba ra, blames Sunnis for everything, etc (unless Sunni family/friends are in the house or he's talking about his friends). What's amazing is even with all these influences (husband, relatives, Shia TV channels, always at the Husseiniya listening and talking with the mullah, reading countless 'Sunni rebuttal' books, etc), my mom doesn't accept much of what they say and only 5 minutes of me talking with her makes a big difference. She told me later that She will 'investigate' for herself and will throw away any beliefs that are wrong.

What I feel has made a difference with my mom occurred 2 ways, through me and herself. Firstly, she's always read lots of Quran, but never translation, now she's doing both and has noticed in her Shia translation that important topics like "Imamate, Khums, Ahl Bayt" never show up, but things like "Salaat, Zakaat, Tawhid, being good, etc" come up alot! With me, everytime she has a claim or I bring up a topic, I easily answer, especially now after 2 years, with a valid rebuttal that she can't deny. She's the kind of person who has all her faith in mullahs, and when my local mullah says something then at home I prove her otherwise, her world is turned upsidedown and if 'the mullah is wrong on core topics, then anything can be wrong.' Such as showing from sistani.org that 'Aliun Waliullah' isn't a part of the azan, the Prophet (saw) had 4 daughters from, 2 married Uthmaan (ra) and the different excuses Shias come up with, age of Ayesha (ra), enmity Shias have for Sahaba (ra), comparing the Shia narration of compilation of Quran with the Sunni, discussing logic, and maybe a few other things. A problem my mom has is why Shias have such reactionary reactions to everything yet never a 'concise' answer to nothing, why Shia mullahs preach against Shiaism, why such terrible akhlaq, and why they don't know about difference of opinion. Inshallah the trend continues, my goal is to have her stop wearing her 'Ya Ali Madad' pin (she says 'Ya Ali Madad' means 'Ya Ali help me by praying for me').

We don't talk about 'controversial' religion often (max 2 times a month) and when we do, it's only for a few mins, but it's affected her alot. Most of the change is recent, so I might be a bit more 'pushy' with her. I've become more lax recently and don't have the same fear as before (online or in person). I haven't told any Sunni friend that I'm raised Shia yet, but some know that my family's 'mixed' and my cousin is a Khamenei lover (don't ask how they know XD). On another note, now that I don't worry about deen, I've become much more open and maybe a little cool 

*Didn't realize I'd write so much 

[Farid]

Barak Allah feek. Stay strong. =]

[MuslimK]

Praise be to Allah.

[muslim720]

My dad is a different case, he proudly believes in tahrif, hates Sahaba ra, blames Sunnis for everything, etc (unless Sunni family/friends are in the house or he's talking about his friends).

Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakathu,
You, like me, are an Afghan and I always believed (from what I had experienced growing up around Shias) that Afghan Shias are very laid back and "moderate" (unlike Iranian, Pakistani and Iraqi Shias).  While I know many Afghan Shias who are far from the Rawaafidh beliefs, I am appalled to know that your father is like this (especially the fact that he believes in tahreef).  Perhaps Afghan Shias in the West are more caught up in this sectarian rife and free access to channels run by clowns like Shaytanyari add to the whole problem.

[Bolani Muslim]

Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakathu,
You, like me, are an Afghan and I always believed (from what I had experienced growing up around Shias) that Afghan Shias are very laid back and "moderate" (unlike Iranian, Pakistani and Iraqi Shias).

In general I've noticed the same thing that Afghan Shias are more relaxed, especially the ones from areas where the great majority are Sunnis such as my mom and dad (my mom more then my dad). I know a Shia family from a Sunni dominated part of Kabul that keep a sign in the house saying 'Abu Bakr Umar Usman Ali (ra)' and who's 15 year old son (before being educated at the ImamBara) said "Abu Bakr is the first Caliph." The ones from highly Shia areas like Sanglakht tend to be sectarian like the Hazaras. The confusing part is that often times they will say one thing, but not mean it (goes both ways), so unless you know them, you won't know what's truly in their heart. An 'aunt' was at my house and said "I hate Sunnis, they're worse then Kafirs" and my real aunt responded "I agree", even though she doesn't agree with her at all!

While I know many Afghan Shias who are far from the Rawaafidh beliefs, I am appalled to know that your father is like this (especially the fact that he believes in tahreef). 

The belief of tahreef is quite common, all the 'elders' I know believe in it. Allayari is the one who promotes it on his channel. When my dad and the grandpa of the 'family friend' (who keeps the sign in his house) were in Kabul, they publicly cursed Sahaba (ra), though they'd get beat-up sometimes. The thing with my dad is that he has a grudge against everyone, he'd probably be more mad if I married a Hazara then a Sunni (even though he's in-love with a Hazara mullah). My uncle who most of his friends are Sunnis and is always invited to their houses, tells me explicitly that "Sunnis are kafir." My mom who has mostly Shia friends has always been 'chill' compared to other Shias.

Perhaps Afghan Shias in the West are more caught up in this sectarian rife and free access to channels run by clowns like Shaytanyari add to the whole problem.

No, this isn't something new. He's just reminding them of their beliefs (my family hated Sahaba even back home). Do you honestly think that my uncle would go to your house and tell you that "You're a kafir" to your face? It's a sensitive issue and as someone from the 'outside' it may be hard for you to imagine that your 'kaka' might be saying these things. Generally if a Shia is religious and knows about their faith, they will be like this, though not always.

Both my parents have mixed marriages in the family. This is a delicate issue as every Shia person is different.

[muslim720]

I know a Shia family from a Sunni dominated part of Kabul that keep a sign in the house saying 'Abu Bakr Umar Usman Ali (ra)' and who's 15 year old son (before being educated at the ImamBara) said "Abu Bakr is the first Caliph."

May Allah [swt] bless them for their open-mindedness.  However, I have met a few Shias (some from Iraq) who hate the first three Caliphs [ra] to the core but they refer to them as, "Khalifa Umar", et cetera.  But it is a first that a Shia family has the names of the four Rightly Guided Caliphs [ra] in their house.

The ones from highly Shia areas like Sanglakht tend to be sectarian like the Hazaras. The confusing part is that often times they will say one thing, but not mean it (goes both ways), so unless you know them, you won't know what's truly in their heart. An 'aunt' was at my house and said "I hate Sunnis, they're worse then Kafirs" and my real aunt responded "I agree", even though she doesn't agree with her at all!

See, I was raised in New Delhi and thereafter, my family moved to the US.  We had Shia neighbors in New Delhi and every Muharram, especially on Ashura, the Sunnis would beat the Shias to things like doing khatem (of Qur'an), preparing and distributing halwa, et cetera.  So I always saw Shias as a minority who would love to be accepted by the Sunni majority while the Sunnis hated (and rejected) them.  When I was confronted by a Shia back in 2010 (before I knew anything about them), I realized how wrong I was!

"I hate Sunnis, they're worse than Kafirs", wow!

The belief of tahreef is quite common, all the 'elders' I know believe in it.

We have mixed marriages in the family.  I have yet to hear this from one of the far-distant Shia relatives.

The thing with my dad is that he has a grudge against everyone

Aren't all Afghan dads like that?  haha!

My uncle who most of his friends are Sunnis and is always invited to their houses, tells me explicitly that "Sunnis are kafir."

Now that, I am sorry to say, is straight up "namak haraami".  Allah [swt] is my witness and every time I debate the Rawaafidh (not Shias), I feel so guilty that I feel the need to make it up to my Shia friends, acquaintances and teachers.  Of course I do not tell them....well except one of my best friends who is a Shia by name but identifies more with Sunnis.  The things I tell him - how the Shias curse the wives [ra] of the Prophet [saw], believe in tahreef, et cetera - only causes for one word to escape from his lips repeatedly, "astaghfurellah".  Sometimes he just requests me to stop.  He believes that listening, or being exposed, to such kufr can disturb your inner peace.  I agree with him.

No, this isn't something new. He's just reminding them of their beliefs (my family hated Sahaba even back home). Do you honestly think that my uncle would go to your house and tell you that "You're a kafir" to your face?

Well, I would love for him to do so.  It would take me less than five minutes to render him helpless (no disrespect to your uncle and your family).

[Abu Zayd]

We don't talk about 'controversial' religion often (max 2 times a month) and when we do, it's only for a few mins, but it's affected her alot. Most of the change is recent, so I might be a bit more 'pushy' with her. I've become more lax recently and don't have the same fear as before (online or in person). I haven't told any Sunni friend that I'm raised Shia yet, but some know that my family's 'mixed' and my cousin is a Khamenei lover (don't ask how they know XD). On another note, now that I don't worry about deen, I've become much more open and maybe a little cool 

I've always thought that it's essential to be able to have frank and open discussions with family, particularly with parents. I know that when my children are older then Inshallah they will be able to approach me to discuss anything to do with religion, and no doubt they will with half their family being Sunni and the other half Shia.    Like many people from India/Pakistan my parents have mixed religion and culture/traditions so it's very difficult to have any sort of conversation with them and they've both pretty much deny that I'm no longer Shia because it...just doesn't make sense to them.

[Bolani Muslim]

Hey guys, I have some updates. My mom knows my secret and supports me mostly. I've been to tarawih and it was cool, not as scary as I thought it would be!

*I wrote lots, but it got deleted and I'm tired!

[Farid]

Hahah, that used to happen to me all the time.

I'm glad about things working out for you with your mom. =]

[ShiaMan]

I for one completely believe Bolani Muslim