first of all, i would like the ask the brothers and sisters to be more supportive and less critical.Please listen to my story.
Asalamualaikum.I am hoping that you could help with an issue i am facing.You see and this may sound impossible but for the past 2-3 years ,people have not been speaking to me properly, or they speak rudely ,weirdly and ludly.And this doesnt happen with some people, it happens with everyyybody, and this includes muslims and immigrants.They just treat me as if i am a weirdo, and its not because of the way i speak.You see living in canada, the trends had changed, so people wore trendy clothes, but i did not because of which people did not even walk properly besides me.I suffered for 2 years, until i had to give in and buy trendier looking clothes.However even when i did not wear trendy clothes and asked people how i looked, they said i looked fine, but they didnt speak properly.I noticed the immense difference in the way people treated me when i wore trendier clothes. And its not i did not neeed to change and just accept myself, i tried that, but it was i had to change because everybody disrespected me and spoke weirdly to me.This included doctors, cashiers,teachers ,students, people on the street, who used to literally not even walk properly besides me and distance themselves from me.It was horrible, you have no idea of how bad the situation was, but unfortuantely it didnt go away.Though things got much better, i still faced problems, this time i realised it was because of my weight.You see because of the horrible way people treated me earlier,i took to eating and then staying at home because i was afraid of going outside.then i gained weight, but i guess my legs looked i dont know maybe the food went to my legs, because the weirdness behaviour of people still consisted, until one day when due to stress and not eating ,my legs looked thin, then people treated me better.I am trying to go to the gym and excercise, but the truth is i have never had to excercise because my life depended on it, i mean its stressful going to the gym and trying to lose leg fat or facing people speaking weird the next day.Sometimes, i blame God, i thought He wouldgive me a miracle and dave me if i did amaals or prayed ,but nothing, i mean i get it im supposed to do the work , but i just its hard because its like i have never gone thru such a situation of people being rude because of my legs.I look at them and they dont fat, and no its not in my head.What do you think could be going on?I mean why did Allah put me through such a horrible thing that could make me lose my mind? i actually hate God sometimes because of this,can you imagine going out brother and no matter where you go or who you meet, muslim or other wise treat you badly? youd think you were dressing like a clown.But imagine even after dressing properly, people didnt speak to you properly because of what they way youre legs looked??Brother i hope you can help me understand.For a large part of my life i suffered making friends in school ,which made me sad, and then i went through religious issues, between sunni and shia, and that was bad enough, or i suffered thru health issues, or maybe family issues.I cant live like this, i dont know why Allah is doing this to me.I dont want it at all.i dont want to leave islam, but i dont how to stop these problems.i feel like Allah may have punished me for sins, and he punishing me so i dont do the sin, but sometimes it goes to an extent i cant handle and i actually start resenting God because i feel like this is not free will.Btw i am shia.If you could help me, or know some other scholar who can help me understand, id be grateful thank you.
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December 19, 2015, 02:10:45 AM