The failure I am still is because I delude myself with my own lies.
There is a spirit from God that is trying to break me free from the false lies I have deluded myself with and the unclean idol I stick to and make me love the near kin of the Messenger with a resolve that will bring me to the straight path. I got to pray five times a day. Something I haven't been able to do in a year straight all my life. That is where I will understand slowly, "by the name of God, the universally compassionate, the Specially compassionate, all praise is to God, Lord of the worlds" and download what it means to be resolved and patient in love of God and his light in creation. I try help Ahlulbayt (as) through words, but my actions have destroyed the truth of my words, disastrous sins that God will save me only through them, and I have become a thorn that makes people turn away from them and turn away from the path. I need to learn to teach humbly and compassionately, and eloquently, and now I think I just further people from the Quran and Ahlulbayt because I speak with too much dark anger and frustration.
I ask people to pray for me and pray God makes my heart full of forbearance and compassion.